Nightmare
In seria de lucrari Nightmare am refacut, folosindu-ma de o ironie empatica, drumul invers dintre copilarie si maturitate, descoparind cat de clar e ca eu, cea de acum, sunt de fapt rezultatul unui lung sir de frustrari, dorinte inabusite, temeri neinlaturate, mistere nedeslusite si acte de curaj ramase doar la nivel de intentie. Am supus copilul de odinioara unui rece examen critic, in incercarea de a-mi reconstitui, de a-mi reinterpreta copilaria. Imaginea (re)creata este in mod sigur una deformata dar asta nici nu prea mai conteaza acum, mai important fiind sa redau imaginea acelor zile prin ochii si atitudinea adultului de acum. Este o modalitate de a patrunde tot mai adanc in subconstient, de a afla mai multe despre lucrurile inca nestiute sau nedefinite ale propriei personalitati, descoperind cu uimire ca lucruri care ma inspaimantau atunci, o fac chiar si acum, dar la un alt nivel si din alte motive.
Nu mi-am propus sa spulber copilariei elaborat de cei varstnici. Am o idee destul de clara de cum arata, hai sa zicem, ”copilaria copilului universal”, si felul in care, adult fiind, te raportezi la ea. Este o imagine care inglobeaza clisee de tot felul: paradisul pierdut, taina prin care ti se dezvaluie viitorul, lume de miracole şi de uimire, jocuri naive si hazlii, dragostea parintilor, bunicul bland, bunica generoasa, abecedarul, universul povestilor, vacantele la tara etc. Dar destul de amuzata, imi aduc tot atat de bine aminte si de existenta mea trucata, ce avea in vedere scopuri exterioare – cosmarul copilului osandit sa fie pe veci premiant, bucuria si incantarea parintilor, imitarea si reconstituirea lumii adultilor in interiorul universului infantil, atmosfera de comedie si inautenticitate, capriciile si mofturile unui copil rasfatat, santajistul sentimental care-si cere rasplata, drepturile, pentru ca s-a lasat sa devina un monstru, un copil bun la toate, un exemplu de dat in fata clasei, un indeplinator al dorintelor celor din jur, de cele mai multe ori un cabotin si atat.
In my latest project I try to make a backwards re-enactment of the period between childhood and maturity, using an emphatic irony. The resulting image might be a distorted one, but it doesn’t matter anymore, the important thing being to relive those days with the eyes and attitude of an adult. It is a way of going deep into your subconscious to find out more about those parts of your being that are still blurry, discover its roots. Even if my work appears deeply drowned into a personal and interiorized world, one can still read significant traces of the outside reality. It is about using a sum of signs to express a general reality, which influences my personal one.
It’s not my intention to blow away the childhood myth us adults have created. I have a very clear image of what “the childhood of the generic child” should look like, and of the way you now relate to it as an adult. It’s an image containing all sorts of clichés: the lost paradise, the mystery through which the future unveils itself, a world of miracles and awe, playful and naïve games, the parental love, the kind grandfather, the generous grandmother, the ABC, the universe of fairy tales, the holidays in the country-side, etc. Still, I can just as well recall my fake existence (and can’t help but find it a bit amusing), which pursued some exterior goals – the ordeal of the child forever doomed to be the first in his class, the joy and delight of the parents, mimicking and imitating the world of the adults inside the childhood universe, the persisting feel of cheap comedy and unauthenticity, the changing moods of a spoiled child, the emotional little blackmailer that demands his reward for allowing himself to become a monster, an all-round role model child, the perfect example for all the other kids, a fulfiller of whishes that were not his own, most of the times being just a pretender and nothing more…
